A Load of Bull
Wednesday Ramblings
Stabroek News
June 10, 2004
(Explanation: The call names in this story are real, almost all taken from real court cases - victims and accused. The scenes you are about to read are not.)
Man held for stealing $10,000 in pesos
The Chief Magistrate showed extraordinary patience yesterday when hearing the testimony of Matthew "Bull" Williams who is alleged to have stolen $10,000 from vegetable vendor, Hafeez "Pumpkin" Khan.
Bull told the court that on the morning of June 5, 2004, he was on the road with his friend a chicken farmer, Rickford "Feathery" Slowe and four other friends, Scrunter, Lexus, Miss Thing and Jigsy King. The group decided to go eat breakfast by a snackette owned by Paul "Salt Fish" Alexander.
Bull said after breakfast he set off for work at his employer on Hadfield St, a very bad optician called Melroy "One Eye" Henry. Bull said One Eye sent him on an errand to his half-brother Gavin "One Eye Chinee" Isaacs who lives in Regent St, upstairs from a restaurant owned by Heeralall "Chiney" Singh.
Bull said on the way he met a long lost friend Mark "Yellow Man" Donnett who was suffering from jaundice. So he took him to the hospital. In the compound, they met three old colleagues sadly now staying in the observation ward, Colin "Mad Man" Anderson, Terry "Sad Man" Gomes and the mildly depressed Bishram "Shucks" Rambarran.
Bull said after leaving "Yellow Man" at the hospital sitting next to three emergency cases, Dennis "Pain" Ramkumar, Hernandez "Scratches" Alexander and Errol "Bruck up" Khan he continued his errand, passing by Bourda market.
He told the magistrate, who was growing increasingly impatient, that he then bought some sweeties from Michael "M&M" Rebai and a stick of gum from Michelle "Big Red" King. He testified he was walking along North Road when he was sideswiped by a car belonging to Conservation International, working with projects at Shell Beach and driven by Anthony "Turtle" Henry and a passenger, Louis "Turtle Bumps" Hopkinson. He started to argue with them but a passerby, a certain Mark "John Wayne" Forrester came up and told him, "Every time you turn around expect to see me. Cause one time you'll turn around and I'll be there, and I'll kill you, Matt."
At this point, Bull told the court he was very scared and he briefly charged into a china shop in the market almost tripping over a cool down cart owned by Lennox "Solo Tall Boy" Baird.
He asked another vendor, Sudesh "Dumb Boy" Debiden to call the police but he did not say anything. He passed by a halaal butcher, Asif "Cowee" Rayman and another who specialises in tripe, Anand "Guts" Munillal, as well as two poultry farmers, Sudesh "Duck" Ramoutar and Jeffrey "Fowl Leh Leh" Duncan.
He said John Wayne was still chasing him and he tried to hide behind a well-known large woman called Eileen "Big Aunty" McKay, but decided he was better off behind another vendor, Mark "Big Batty" Phillips.
Bull told the magistrate that while behind Big Batty he met two old friends, Godfrey "Hustler" Abel and Wilfred "Pesos" Campbell. They were hiding behind two brothers Sunil "Fat Man" Persaud and Ramesh "Tall Man" Persaud.
At this point the trio decided to run for it and bolted across Bourda Green, knocking over the stalls of vegetable vendor Anthony "Pumpkin" Waldron and Andy "Pumpkin" Arthur (no relation). By this time John Wayne had rounded up a large posse which included Geeta "Chiney" Ganesh, Malika "Nika" Archer (recently married to a Muslim), Kobla Capitus (who repairs shoes), Clyde "Boffar" Watson, Latchmin "Dago" Ramjiit and a man called Shaif Mohammed also known as "Mahadeo Gulsurran", a certified schizophrenic.
Also in pursuit were a chico vendor, Mervin "Skittle" Archer, a man recovering from hydrocephalus, Leon "Big Head" Phillips as well as Eon "Gold Lar" Wilson who couldn't run too fast.
Bull, Pesos and Hustler tore up Regent St, incredibly finding the time to wave to three old friends, Gerald "Smilie" James who only frowned, Seenauth "Dog Head" Barrat who wagged his tail and Tryon "Tattle" Summer who immediately called the police.
But all the time the posse, shouting "Teef! Teef!", was gaining on them. More people joined the chasing group including a miner, Dwayne "Batel" Datson, a high school drop-out, Lawrence "Stupes" Giddings, a national basketballer, "Tall Paul" McClean and a guy with acute hypothyroidism, Peter "Bugsy" Christy. One of them, was so eager to join in - Nicose "Bald Head" Douglas - that his wig flew off.
Finally on Alexander St, the trio were cornered and as Bull described it, that was when Pesos slipped $10,000 - in Mexican currency- into his pocket. He was arrested and charged.
When Bull's testimony finally ended the Chief Magistrate asked him if he knew Orindell "Monkey Man" Richardson. Bull said he knew someone by that name who once lived near the zoo who might also be known as Shawn "Soldier" Alexander, Quintin "Scatter" Heywood or John "Buckman" Da Silva. But others also knew him as Ivor "Plenty Names" Deane. The case will continue tomorrow.
Sharmaism of
the Week
Begrudging congratulations to Sharma on reaching 12 years. At the opening of his new studios, his speech included this classic, "Did you see me on the radio?"