Amendment to the Constitution Wednesday Ramblings
Stabroek News
January 14, 2004

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Explanatory Memorandum

This Amendment seeks to rectify the all-male bias on the Public Service Commission in the context of it having been determined after lengthy deliberation that the politicians are making a real balls up running the country.

Current legislation

Article 200 (1) The Public Service Commission comprises six members, three of whom the President appoints after consultation with the Leader of the Opposition, two of whom are appointed upon nomination by the National Assembly art. 200(1)(b) and one by the President if he deems it fit.

Insert section:

Article 200 1 (d) A seventh member, a medically certified female, shall be appointed by the President after consultations with the Leader of the Opposition who has in turn consulted meaningfully with his wife, any former wives or significant others and of course his Mum.

Article 201 (1) (a) The woman member whether or not elected Chairman shall from thereon be the de facto head and shall make all decisions she deems fit regardless of the opinions of the other six members.

(b) Before every statutory meeting of the commission, the song "Strength of a Woman" shall be played twice and the men shall be entreated to sing along. They are also required to recite several Maya Angelou poems by heart. Failure to execute this directive shall mean an immediate cessation, for a period of not less than fourteen (14) days, of all conjugal relations between the offending male member and his respective spouse.

(c) No meeting shall occur between the hours of 4 pm to 5 pm on weekdays when "Oprah Winfrey" is showing

(2) The agenda for meetings shall be set by the woman after meaningless consultations with the male colleagues who if they elect to protest shall firstly:

(a) Be left at home without cooked food for a period of

not less than seven (7) days.

(b) Made to sleep on the couch without a mosquito net.

(c) Refused permission to go drinking with friends for

a minimum period of thirty (30) days.

Article 202 (1) Should there be an impasse between the members, the woman shall have the deciding vote and if there is still disagreement, she may, having consulted with the President's wife, apply a manual blow to the members' aural organs.

(2) Should there be any argument between one or two members, the de facto chairman is entitled to use a large rolling pin applied with whatever force she deems necessary.

(3) Should this still be insufficient and having received a majority vote of all the female Members of Parliament and having also carefully weighed all the issues in the matter she may employ a reasonably heavy tawa swung from a great height and shall strike it with the maximum force necessary to the back of the cranium or any other part of the male members' body that she deems suitable.

(4) In the event of a deadlock on any issues related to national importance and under consideration by the commission she is entitled to break down in tears and having elicited the sympathy of one or more members, shall proceed to tear their tails until the matter is duly resolved.

Article 203(1) The female member shall control all the money allocated to the commission for its administrative expenses and shall also take the stipends of the other members as she deems fit. Any resistance to her wishes shall mean the immediate cessation, for a period of not less than thirty (30) days, the conjugal relations between the offending male member(s)and his respective spouse.

Article 203 (2) (a) The female member is entitled to all the privileges and allowances of her male colleagues and certain others.

(b) These include a weekly manicure, pedicure and hair styling allowance and a stipend of 40,000 per month for shoes as well as a yearly shopping trip to Miami.

(c) The male colleagues making up the commissions shall at all times accompany her on these trips and are required to carry her bags from store to store.

Mini editorial

Consider this: the cocaine found in a shipment of timber in Wales was worth about US$14M. In the JFK drug ring bust, agents seized a pallet loaded with three boxes of cocaine worth about US$23 million on a flight out of Guyana. Add these to the Ghana drug bust and they are worth as much as all the exports of the 200,000 odd Metric Tonnes of rice for 2003 (US$47M). We applaud the Minister for his emphasis on value-added exports.

Misir the mathematician

It has been some months since Dr Prem Misir has appeared on the WR radar screen. But in his latest blip of banality in the Monday Chronic, he blathers on about the irresponsible media and comes up with the most laughable formula that is anyone's guess what he is his talking about: "P+M=R?PP where P are the certain politicians who shape the false reality. M is the mass media who help to sustain this reality, R is the people's false reality and PP is political power attained."

In the spirit of this new political algebra, WR has created our very own equation:

C times R(A + P) = 0

Finns forbidden

A Finnish tourist was locked up last week until January 21 after he denied overstaying his visa by seven days. Even worse he was found by police "wandering on the seawall." May this have actually been sightseeing and is this a reason to be apprehended? Great for the tax-payer to have to fund his accommodations in Camp St and even better for tourism. Then again Guyana does not want hordes of Finns coming here to live.

Joke of the week

Mayor in rubbish plea

"The Mayor and City Council have asked for patience and understanding as they intensify efforts to clean up the parts of Georgetown overloaded with rubbish."

After eight years, you must be kidding.