The sexual impulses behind compulsive letter writing

The sexual impulses behind compulsive letter writing
Wednesday Ramblings..
Stabroek News
June 4, 2003

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Editorial
The Usual Suspects

The current debate on the letter pages concerns the rights of homosexuals against discrimination. It is a complicated issue made even more complicated by the ridiculously long letters on the topic which threaten to take up more space than that 2002 chestnut, ‘VS Naipaul, cynic, poseur or both?’ or ‘The mechanics of wave action on rip-rap sea defence’ or any topic involving the name Ravi Dev.

But perhaps a more burning issue is whether these compulsive letter writers need protection from each other. A number of observers have suggested that the following four scribes should be given timeouts: Frederick Kissoon who is on a one-man crusade against bad parking, the high cost of spare parts and his own anonymity; Abu Bakr who has his own jihad going on from the south of France and is intent on reproducing the Bible word for word in this newspaper; Justin de Freitas whose hatred of President Bush borders on the pathological; and the easily disturbed, shocked, troubled, puzzled and astonished Heston K Rodrigues.

Sigmund Freud in his 1925 work “Sexual Impulses behind obsessive/compulsive letter writing” suggested that chronic letter writers were as children biologically unable to latch on to their mothers’ breasts. He cited a 1919 experiment by Dr Frederich von Fussballweltmeister, an Austrian scientist, who deprived a set of new-born puppies of their mothers’ nipples from birth, instead feeding them a formula based on goat’s milk. While physically in good condition, they showed an inordinate interest in von Fussballweltmeister’s newspaper and soon asked him for pen and paper to write long letters on the injustices of the Treaty of Versailles. All of the puppies demonstrated an inordinately high regard of their opinions.

The other set of puppies having full access to their mother’s breasts were content to go for long walks in the park and compose love poetry while sipping schnapps at a popular Vienna cafe.

We do not know if these four gentlemen were indeed weaned too early but it is probably too late now.

Minister-Free Zones
Blogstown Primary School of West Berbice has declared itself a minister-free zone at a simple ceremony held yesterday. Ministers will no longer be able to use the school for their own self-promotion and to deflect attention from personal improprieties.

Health Minister Dr Lamsammy conceded that many of his colleagues and himself were indeed a plague upon the Guyanese nation and he would push for legislation to have themselves banned.

He was then chased out of the room by a horde of pupils brandishing sharpened rulers.

PAHO head, Dr Hannelore Gunda applauded the move by the school saying WHO statistics showed that over 10 million people worldwide died every year from the incompetence of politicians this includes 3 million who expire from utter boredom induced by long-winded policy speeches.

The practice of being picked up for photo shoots by politicians desperate to be re-elected, made 1M children violently sick in 1999.

Dr Gunda said far too much time was spent preparing for ministers’ visits and writing signs which say ‘Welcome, Dr Jeffrey’ and then listening to them drone on about BEAMS, SSRP, SSEE, CXC and GCE when they could be hitting the books. Her comments were met with wild cheers but she too was chased out of the schoolyard when in a snap vote, students decided to make the school an NGO-free zone also.

Wednesday Ramblings is behind this programme as part of its new Non Non Governmental Organisation called Facilitating Unusual Chaos. Students are encouraged to search out ministers and throw big cream pies in their faces or run up and cut ribbons moments before the minister is about to. They will also be required to write essays on such topics as ‘Politicians and why they suck big time” and “How I made Minister Crawh cry on my summer holiday.”

Last man standing
Press release July 12 2010

Attention: Fisherman Vijay Singh of Roden Rust, East Bank Essequibo is officially the only person left in Guyana who has never served on a committee.

Please report to the nearest induction branch office for your immediate placement on the planning commission for the establishment of a steering panel focussing on the formation of a roundtable conference on the facilitation of ethical decision making in the formation of a seminar to investigate procedural mechanisms in developmental frameworking.

Question of the week

Is 50 years of general elections really a cause for celebration?