The Bard speaks.. we must listen
October 30, 2002
|Related Links:||Articles on humor|
|Letters Menu||Archival Menu|
In a far away countrye covered in palm trees
King Jagdus sits on his throne with unease
His crown all askew and large for his head
He wonders if he should fly to Washington instead
The rival Desi Demona plots his downfall
By making the land ungovernable.
Alexandria and Corbinius
Listening to rumblings in a province called Buxtonus.
Meanwhile Jagdus is cut off from the populus
by the courtier Roberto
Press Releasus Maximus.
Act 1 scene 1 in the New Garden St. castle:
Roberto: Another protest coming yonder my lord!
Jagdus: Oh no! They are such a bother. Send for the Black Clothes brigade!
Dr Loquacious: They are all on leave or dead, my lord. Or should I say, I am led to believe that a large majority have proceeded on extended vacationary leave or have succumbed to projectiles fired from the guns of criminal elements.
Jagdus: Enough tosh! Let's go to Berbice for the weekend.
Roberto: We can't, the peasants are revolting in Buxtonus. We would have to disguise ourselves as palm trees.
Jagdus: Well let's go to Essequibo
Roberto: The ancient bridge is broken my Lord.
Jagdus: We're trapped! God Almighty what is happening to my kingdom!
Roberto: Shall I write a press release and blame it on the evil Desi Demona?
Jagdus: Good idea, and Dr Loquacious, let's back it up with a press conference.
Dr Loquacious: Verily I say unto you, that is undoubtedly a grand inspiration.
Jagdus: Good I am off to the National Park for a walk.
Act 1 scene 2
Over at Congressius Placus
Desi Demona: How is the situation going today?
Alexandria: Very well my lord, the usual mayhem.
Desi Demona: None of our doing but ..Excellent! At this rate Jagdus will have to step down and the kindgom will be mine.
Corbinius: What about a press conference in response to their press release, responding to our press release rebutting their press conference disputing our press brief on their allegations that we hold too many press conferences?
Desi Demona: Go ahead. Meanwhile I am off to the park for a walk.
Act 2 Scene 1
The National Park
Jagdus walking with his cortege bumps into Desi Damona and bodyguards
Jagdus: (not recognising him) Watch where you are going old man!
Desi: Old man? This all belonged to me one time, you whippersnapper! We built this park when you were just a twinkle in your momma's eye!
Jagdus: Oh it's you. I didn't recognise you without a microphone. This is my park now. We renovated it at a cost of $52M through a loan from the IDB.
Desi: The IDB can kiss my rear!
Degrootus, arrives on scene armed with a rolled up proposal.
Degrootus: Hold on boys ! Stop the fisticuffs! This land belongs to you and me. At least that's what Willie Nelson said. (I love that song.) Now both of you shake hands and sign my proposal.
(They sign terms prepared by Degrootus and his advisers and peace is restored to the kingdom)
The characters and events portrayed here bear no resemblance intended or otherwise to any person living or dead.
Letters to the Editor
I am the mayor of the town of Buxton Spa in charming Derbyshire, England. I understand that in Guyana there is a lovely village called Buxton and I was hoping that we could start some sort of twin village project. This would include exchange visits for interested groups such as bus drivers, school children, small business people and our police recreational club. I look forward to a reply on what could be a very exciting programme for the both of us.
Mayor of Buxton Spa
My nine-year-old son and seven-year-old daughter are constantly losing their pencils and erasers in school and can give no adequate explanation for their disappearance. So far for this term they have lost 12 pencils and 5 erasers between them. Could these possibly be abandoned in Buxton as they claim?
I could not help noticing the excellent job the bandits had done in preparing their channa bombs all in the same bottles. But I was dismayed that there were no labels on the outside identifying the contents or the quantities. I should also remind them that any measurements should be done in the metric system as part of the country's overall initiative to go metric.
Principal Guyana Bureau of Standards