Le Bon Docteur Dejeuner Wednesday Ramblings
Stabroek News
September 4, 2002
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Reports are that Dr Luncheon spent his summer holidays on the beaches of St Tropez. It may be hard to imagine Guyana’s Cabinet Secretary stretched out on the sand sipping Chablis and reading a collections of essays by Lenin while having his toes sucked by a senior member of the French communist party. But it is indeed true and the good Doctor stepped off the plane sporting a Che Guevara beret and an impressive new French vocabulary. Unfortunately his somewhat rudimentary enthusiasm for the language has already resulted in various faux pas.

Let us listen in on his repartee with the now thoroughly bewildered press corps (A translation is available below.)

“Dr Luncheon why is it the PPP is holding up the dialogue?”

“Tout au contraire, mon ami du corps journaliste. C’est vrai that we have arrived at a crossroads, a Pont L’Eveque and the process is certainement dans un cul de sac. But we are beaucoup encouraged by the efforts of le beau monde to bring the two parties tout ensemble. Demain I received a billet-doux from le Premier Danseur Docteur de Groot for a tete a tete, or more correctly put, a ménage a trois. This may indeed be held at Parliament Buildings en plein air au naturel avec le beurre blanc. There is a need to revenons à nos moutons, going point by petit point; to put everything in the pot au feu and finally make a courageous pas de bourree. We must vogue la galère although it could well be that the dialogue is en brochette and that the two parties are dans une folie a deux. Should this be the case, ça va sans dire the government cannot be caught en pantoufles and would have to be en garde pour le possibilite d’un coup d’etat led by those enfant terribles. Bien sur we will cultiver notre jardin and ecrasons les inflames because we have le droit du seigneur. The police are indeed lacking in esprit d’escalier and may well be needing assistance from la creme de la creme Anglaise avec some pate de foie gras.

Translation

“On the contrary my friend from the press corps. It is true that we have arrived at a crossroads, a soft surface-ripened cheese firmer, yellower, and having less surface mould than Camembert, and the process is certainly now in a blind diverticulum or pouch. But we are very much encouraged by the efforts of the world of high society and fashion to bring the two parties together.

Tomorrow I received a love letter from the principal male dancer Dr De Groot inviting us to a short piece of furniture intended to seat two persons facing each other, or more correctly an arrangement in which three persons share sexual relations. This may be held at Parliament Buildings in the open air in the nude and with a hot butter sauce flavoured with vinegar or lemon juice.

We need to return to our sheep; going point by intricate embroidery stitch; to put everything in a French boiled dinner of meat and vegetables; and make a courageous running ballet step usually executed on the points of the toes. We must keep the galley rowing although it could well be that the dialogue has been skewered like shish kebab and the two parties have the same or similar delusional ideas.

Should this be the case it goes without saying the government cannot be caught wearing slippers and must be on guard for the possibility of the violent overthrow or alteration of an existing government led by persons known for their shocking remarks and outrageous behaviour. For sure we will cultivate our garden and crush the infamous things because we have the legal or customary right of a feudal lord to have sexual relations with a vassal’s bride on her wedding night.

The police may indeed be lacking in the wit of the staircase (or repartee thought of only too late), and may need assistance from the best of the best vanilla-flavoured custard sauce and a pate of goose liver and truffles sometimes with added fat pork.”

Guest Editorial

Imagine. Here are two parties, the PPP and PNC which over the course of 40 years have run this country into the ground, decimated its middle class, sent multitudes fleeing to the airports, have between them: made the possession of sardines a crime, confiscated property from the private sector, politicised the judiciary, failed to define or convincingly protect the country’s borders, encouraged violent protest, allowed bandits to hold quasi-state funerals, ignored and participated in massive corruption, rigged elections, failed to reduce poverty, watched over a decaying educational system while squabbling like school children ...AND CIVIL SOCIETY IS ACTUALLY ENCOURAGING THESE TWO TO RUN THIS COUNTRY TOGETHER?

Tummy tucks for everyone

It was heartening to read that the First Lady is offering a week of free plastic surgery at the Public Hospital as part of the Over 40’s First Fund. Never mind the children, they will have plenty of opportunities, many high society ladies can’t wait for that tummy tuck or a quickie facelift. After all who wants to work out in this heat? It is understood the dashing overseas doctor is an expert at getting rid of that wobbly flab under the arms and can bring you less endowed ladies from a B to a very credible C; or maybe you need some liposuction sur la derriere.

For those wishing to pucker up your lips with collagen shots the doc can have you putting even Piggy Mouth to shame.

If you are interested please contact the hospital for more information. It beats flying to Florida darlings.