I'm going to be Mr Nice Guy
Cassandra's Candid Corner
At the end of every year we are convinced that the year flew faster than the year before. Well, I'm sure science will say that, in terms of pure time, a year is a year is a year, Well, let me categorically and unequivocally (to use the favourite words of a pandit minister) tell the genuises that 1999 went by so fast that I didn't have time to break the resolutions that I made for that year. In fact, I was so busy this year I didn't have time to do nutten. And now we have 2000. For those who think it is a new century, just ask yourself if at the end of 1999 one hundred years had gone by. If the answer is "no" and only 99 years have gone by since the last turn of the century then we still have one more year to go before we can speak of a completed century and therefore a new century. Of course, the same logic goes for the Millennium. But who cares? Oops, sorry. The merchants, the sellers of goods, the traders, hucksters, higglers care. In fact, they invented the debate so that they could hawk their wares twice - this year-end and next year-end. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Such is the nature of capitalism and its creation, consumerism. Anyway, what do we have good to say about 1999? What are the things that made me smile, that made me happy? Well, for one thing there was no mayhem on the roads caused by strikers. Minibus madness, yes; vendors' turbulence, for sure; but no viciousness, no beatings as was experienced a year ago. Imagine, we have to be thankful for normalcy; one has to be grateful that one was not beaten up. Then there were the beauty pageants. Am I imagining things, or did we indeed have more pretty-girl shows this year than ever before in this history of Guyana. We had Miss Guyana Universe, Miss Guyana World, Miss Guyana Sari, Miss Millennium, Miss Diwali, Miss Queen of Queens, etc etc. And the women were breathtakingly gorgeous. Unfortunately, every contestant I chose managed to be the last runner-up. Have I lost my sense of beauty? The girls are brighter too. Gone are the days when upon being asked what profession she aspired to, the contestant answered Stutteringly that she wanted to be " . ... A sex.., a sex..., a sexatry. Dis I hear with me own two ears. And, of course, you may have heard of the answer given by another aspirant on being asked which dish she liked best, responded "Pyrex, Sah"_ OK, OK, I know it is an overused joke of dubious origin, but I'm selling it like I'm buying it, no profit. The point is that our contestants now are of a higher intellect, as one Miss Universe hopeful put it, when asked why she will win, "Ah am taal, ah am byutiful and ah have a Yunivirrrsity degree". That one we all saw on T.V. she was my choice to win. Way up on the list of things that have made me perennially happy is the GBC Morning Show on 560; and their Christmas Special warmed my heart. What will we ever do without the irrepressible, the effervescent, Best Actress, Ms Maggie Lawrence? This is the quintessential example of Ladyhood. She may tease, but never malign. She may be hurt, but she is never bitter. Ms Lawrence's ebullience is contagious, exemplified as she Mceed the GBC Xmas Special. She made one Ertha Kitt (that is the lady's real name) sing "Peanuts roasting on a coalpot fire" instead of "Chesnuts roasting on an open fire" and got the big boss-man himself, Mr. Moses Nagamootoo, to sing .... (appropriately?) .... "Your Cheating Heart" - with all the achy-breaky voice inflexions. This Lawrence Lady is a National Icon. All yuh tek care o'she. And peace breaking out all over de world. The Protestant/Catholic Irish are holding talks with one another. I think their economy is booming so much that they just don't have time for archaic religious squabbles. Would it be correct for me to say that only when you're poor, will you have civil wars? While that is going on, Syria and Israel are having meaningful discussions, and Arafat went to midnight mass in Bethlehem. Beewee and Air Caribbean are mostly punctual, arriving in and leaving Guyana. The Beal Deal look like it coming thru, true? This is exactly the type of investor the PNC would have wanted to woo. Were the PNC in power and had they made a Beal Spiel, the PPP would have remonstrated and performed in exactly the same way the PNC is now doing. Jokes, yes. Deep down, they are all so superficial. Well, 1999 has come to a close. The year is dead, long live the year. We've started this column with an up-beat tone. But let's not delude ourselves. There will always be a constant procession of happenings that will conspire to make you sad - our cricket team being beat up; Nobel Laurate, Derek Walcott selecting the University of Toronto to be the repository for his manuscripts and papers and his pieces of art; teachers and parents beating children at school and at home; and so on and so on. Ah, well, let me return to my New Year's resolutions, to see which I can break first. Punctuality (that thief of time) is the first one and so this text will arrive late at the editor's desk. Then I'll smoke only "Lights" -- but I'll smoke more of them. I'm going to be Mr Nice Guy. Yea, right!! You know what? I'm going to dump this list of resolutions. Someone said: Resolution in a bad cause is stubbornness; stubbornness in a good cause is called resolution. I'd agree with him, if I know what he's talking about. Happy New Year! But me wishing you dat ent gun mek it so.
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